I can’t allow myself to lie down in bed, because I’ll become even sadder. I’ll just end up pretending that your arms are around me, but then I’ll realize that it’s all in my head. and that you’re miles away from me. and then I’ll think about how much I fucked up. no, I can’t sleep, I won’t allow it.
I hate going to bed with tears in my eyes and emptiness in my heart. part of my soul is missing. and that missing part is you. my heart physically hurts, my throat is closed up, and I just want to run away.
why do I fuck up everything. you’re the only one I think about it, and I just fucked it all up. you have no idea how much you mean to me. you’re the only one who knows when I’m sad, can make me smile, can make my tears go away. you’re the only one I want to be with. i guess I’m at that point in my life where I have to deal w my consequences.
I miss you when I wake up and when I go to sleep, and during all the seconds in between that. I miss you the most at 2am when everyone else is sleeping, but I can’t fall asleep because you’re not next to me. what a fucked up relationship we have, because I shouldn’t be missing you at all.
I’m sad and disappointed and lonely and angry all at the same time, wow what a combination